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This is a guide to help you plan your wedding ceremony. (At the bottom of the guide are some sample
readings)
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| A ceremony in the Lake of the Woods Clubhouse, VA |
Below is
a fairly comprehensive guide for planning your wedding ceremony. It
includes a brief glossary and some sample selections that may be used to construct your wedding ceremony. Read through the
selections and see which elements resonate with you. Then select the portions that reflect your desires for your wedding ceremony.
These selections are by no means exhaustive. They are intended to be a starting point to help you create the ceremony
that reflects your ideals and desires. Remember, this will be your ceremony, you can do whatever you wish.
Description of Elements in the
Wedding Ceremony
Following is a brief
description of the purpose/meaning of the elements that form a wedding ceremony:
Processional: The ceremony begins with music that plays as everyone proceeds to their place for the wedding. Contemporary brides and grooms are doing many creative things with this option; we will discuss the options
when we meet.
Opening Words: These words welcome the guests who are attending and explain the purpose of this gathering. These words also set the tone for the ceremony.
Invocation: This is a short prayer to invoke God's presence In a non-theist
ceremony, the invocation serves to remind all who are present of the spiritual dimension of the occasion (e.g., see 2.1.3.).
Interrogation: A traditional question that asks is the bride and groom are entering into marriage of their own free
will and not as the result of coercion.
Presenting of the Bride/Couple: Traditionally, this is the part of the service in which the bride is given by her
father (and sometimes also the mother) in marriage. The selections included here
favor the word "present" in place of "give", with the presentation including both bride and groom.
Recognition of Families/Friends: This recognition has evolved as an alternative to "giving the bride away." It offers the bride and groom an opportunity to recognize and thank their parents,
families, and friends. This part of the ceremony can also be used as a remembrance
of a parent or other special person who has died.
Recognition of Children from a
Previous Marriage: In the formation of a blended family, it is often helpful
to have the children participate in the service so that they, too, feel a valued part of this major change in their lives.
Readings: The readings speak to the meanings of love, of relationships, and of marriage. They include scripture (both Jewish and Christian), poetry, pose, and writings from various world religions. They are intended to invite a deeper reflection of the values that will shape your
marriage. Feel free to find any readings that you like from other sources, too.
Homily: The homily is a short address about the challenges and possibilities of marriage that is addressed
primarily to the bride and groom. Much of my homily will come from talking to
you about your relationship during our meetings.
Unity Candle: The unity candle is a symbolic way of underscoring that two lives through marriage join to create one life
together. This is also a nice opportunity for some special music.
Wine Ceremony: The wine ceremony is an integral part of a Jewish wedding ceremony and is becoming more popular in
general. In the Jewish tradition, after the wine has been drunk by the bride
and the groom, the cup is wrapped in a cloth towel. At the end of the service
it is placed on the floor and is broken by the groom stepping on it. This represents
the destruction of the temple which forced Jews to enter a new life together. Thus
it symbolized a break with the past. Unless the couple comes from Jewish families,
the breaking of the cup is usually omitted.
Charge to the Couple: These words precede the exchange of vows and remind the couple of the importance of
the vows they are about to make.
Vows: A promise that the bride and groom make to each other that form the basis of their commitment to each
other.
Ring Ceremony: The ring ceremony can have up to four parts, as follows:
Presentation of Rings: Asked what token the couple offers as a symbol of their vows/love, they respond: "These rings."
Blessing of the Rings: The minister blesses the rings (if so desired).
The Meaning of the Rings: A brief statement about the meaning of the rings as being both a sign and symbol
of the marriage.
Pledge as Rings are Exchanged: A brief sentence or two that is said as the bride and groom place a ring on each other's
finger.
Prayer: A short prayer that conveys hope for a long and rewarding marriage.
This may be followed by the congregation say the Lord's Prayer.
Concluding Statement: In those cases where a couple does not want a prayer, a concluding statement is used to convey the
best wishes of all present.
Declaration of Marriage: These are the words by which the couple are declared to be married.
Benediction: These words, which close the ceremony, are intended to send the couple off with the best wished of
the congregation.
Wedding Kiss Enjoy!
Recessional: The music played as the bride and groom depart. Other
members of the wedding party then follow and guests are ushered out. Don't forget
to plan what happens immediately AFTER the ceremony. Will there be a receiving
line? Photos?
*A note on the minister’s
vestments: Some of the photos on this web page show Brian in a stole which
features symbols from Judaism, Christianity and Unitarian Universalism. If this
is not to your taste, there are several others from which you may select including a plain white one. If vestments (the robe) seem too formal for you, Brian will be happy to dress according to your vision
for your wedding.
Section 1.0. Opening Words (choose one)
1.1. Dearly
Beloved, we are gathered as family and friends of ____________and______________to witness their joining in that estate of
marriage which men and women have entered responsibility and joyfully, with full anticipation of its faithful keeping. Before us these two shall profess their love for each other, the blending of their
lives, and their comradeship of mind and heart. As two separate beings they shall
create one home in which each in his and her own way shall become more complete because of the other. From joys and sorrows shared they shall grow in love and loyalty; from any pain given and forgiven they
shall grow in mutual understanding. What the church (OR this gathering) now celebrates,
and the state makes legal, these two shall henceforth make real. -J.
Donald Johnston
1.2. On behalf of ____________and____________,
I welcome you to this special moment in their lives. When two people gather together
with their families and friends to participate in a wedding ceremony, it is to celebrate what in fact has already occurred. Emotionally, they have been married before today, but they are here now to publicly
declare the love already present and guiding their relationship into the future.
It
is fitting and appropriate that you, the families and friends of __________and________ are here to witness and participate
in their wedding; for the ideals, the understanding, and the mutual respect which they bring to their marriage, have their
roots in the love, friendship and guidance given to them by you. Marriage make
us aware of the changes wrought by time, but the new relationship will continue to draw much of its beauty and meaning from
the intimate associations of the past. Let us celebrate the now and future of
their love. -Composite
1.3. Awed by the many meanings of this
hour and overjoyed by its promises, we hope that a spirit of trust, understanding, and love will be with __________and__________
through all the years that lie ahead. Whatever trials and tribulations come,
may they trust each other completely, for without such faith marriage is a mockery; may they understand each other, for without
understanding there is neither acceptance nor forgiveness; and may they truly love each other, for without love marriage is
just an empty shell.
As they
create a new life and home, may that home be bright with the laughter of family and friends; may it be a haven from the tensions
of life and a wellspring of strength; and in all the world may it be the one place they most want to be.
So
may this shining hour be an open door through which __________and__________ go forth to create a happy, loving marriage. May time treat them gently; walking together may they find far more in life than either
would have found alone; and even more fully may they come to know this one supreme truth: that caring is sharing, that living
is giving, that life is eternal and that love is its crown.
-from a selection by W. Waldemar W. Argow
(adapted)
1.4. Because they wish to dedicate themselves
unto each other, and because they seek the greater joy that comes when two become joined in body, mind and spirit, _________
and __________ come seeking the greater fulfillment of their lives in marriage. The
presence of each of you here, and the spirit and memories of those separated from us, make this moment special. -Composite
1.5. This is a time we set apart: apart
from the ordinary and routine; apart from the ongoing rush of life.
This is a time set apart in the lives of these two people: a time for reflection and
commitment; a time for beginnings and promises; a time of celebration; a time which they have invited us to share.
This is a place set apart: apart from the familiar and commonplace: apart from the
swirling currents of humanity.
This is a place set apart for the gathering of this unique community of people: a
place of welcome and remembrance; a place of witnessing and sharing; a place of hope and promise; a place in which we, together
life this but once, gather to celebrate the now and the future of ____________'s and ___________'s love. - from a selection by Elizabeth Banks
1.6. Assembled friends, witnesses to
the miracle of love, out of affection for _______ and __________, we have gathered together to touch them with out hearts
and our hopes, as they speak their love for and commitment to each other.
To this moment they bring the fullness of their hearts, a treasure to be shared. They bring dreams that pierce their souls, a personality and a spirit, uniquely their
own, and out of which, we pray, will grow the reality of their togetherness.
We greet you on behalf of _________ and __________, their parents and families, and
call upon you to support them in their sacred resolve and to share this and all the joys God will bestow upon them. -from a contemporary
Jewish wedding
2.1.0. Invocation (optional)
2.1.1. God, author and giver of all that is good, we ask that you
look with favor on this ceremony and bless those assembled here. May the holiness
of this moment remain with ____________ and __________ through a lifetime of living as they walk together in faith, hope and
love.
2.1.2. God of all beauty, source of all blessings, and giver of
all mercies, we gather here, united by a common devotion. We give thanks for
the trust and affection that have brought _________ and _________ to this place and hour to be joined together in holy matrimony. We rejoice in the freedom of adventure, in the depth of affection, and in the radiance
of loyalty which unites beloved to beloved. Be with them as companion as they
enter into their pilgrimage of faith, hope and love. Amen. -James Luther
Adams, adapted
2.1.3. As we stand here at the altar
of life, where life is touched by love, and love by life, we share with these two who are taking their marriage vows, their
newfound happiness. We see the door open for comradeship and mystery, for growth
and fulfillment.
So we pray that they may each bring their whole and best self to the other. May they bring intelligence as well as faith, to the task that is set before them May they maintain enduring trust and respect, remembering that to understand all is ever to forgive all. -James Zacharias
2.2.0. Chalice Lighting (a Unitarian Universalist tradition)
2.2.1. As the flame burns brightly in
this chalice, may love brightly in our hearts.
2.2.2. May the light we now kindle inspire
us to use our powers to heal and not to harm, to help and not to hinder, to bless and not to curse, to serve You, Spirit of
Freedom.
-from a Passover Haggadah
2.2.3. Let this flame by to us a symbol
of the holiness we seek; its brightness dispelling gloom, lighting a path to faith and hope; its glow reminding us of the
sacred bonds which link us to all people. --from Gates of Prayer,
adapted
Section 3.0. Question to the Couple
3.1 ____________ and _____________,
of all the men and women you know, you have chosen each other. Knowing what you
know of each other and trusting in what you do not know yet, are you now ready to marry? Bride & Groom: We are.
3.2. ___________ and _____________,
have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage? Bride & Groom: We have.
3.3. ___________, will you have _________
as your wife/husband, to live with her/him in love and loyalty from this moment forward?
Response: I will.
3.4. Do you, ___________. of your own
free will and consent take ____________ to be your wife/husband and do you promise to love, honor and cherish him/her for
the rest of your life? Response: I do.
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Section 4.0. Presenting of the Bride/Couple, Recognition of Families, Friends, and/or Children
from a Previous Marriage
4.1.0. Presenting of the Bride/Couple
4.1.1. Who presents this woman to be
married to this man?
Father of the bride: Her mother and I do.
4.1.2. As our sons and daughters find
partners and establish the homes of the next generation, each family is enlarged. Do
you, who have nurtured these two, bestow your blessings on their marriage? Parents:
We do.
4.1.3. Will you, their parents, grant
them your blessings and pledge them your love and acceptance? Parents: We will.
4.1.4. Do you stand with this couple
to bestow the approval of their families and friends? Response: I/We do.
4.2.0. Recognition of Families/Friends
4.2.1. In the act of marriage the fabric
of two families becomes interwoven. The resulting tapestry draws on the richness
of traditions, memories, and relationships that have been nurtured for years. _____________
and _____________ lovingly recognize and thank their families for their blessings, love and acceptance.
4.2.2. Will the parents of the bride
and groom please stand. In the act of marriage the fabric of two families becomes
interwoven. The resulting tapestry draws on the richness of traditions, memories,
and relationships that have been nurtured for years. Will you give ____________
and ____________ your love and support? Parents: We will.
4.2.3. At this time _________ and ____________
would like to honor their families and friends. To our parents: ___________ &
______________ and ____________& ___________, we thank you for the values you have us and the many sacrifices you made
while raising us. You have been a source of inspiration in our lives, and we
honor you today. To our friends gathered here, and to those who cannot be here,
we value your friendship, and hope that these friendships will grow in the coming years.
4.2.4. Will both families please rise: At this time ___________ and __________ would like to give special recognition to
their families. All of you have guided and encouraged ___________ and _____________
to this moment in their lives. You have passed onto them a richness of traditions,
a lifetime of memories, and relationships that have been nurtured for years. Will
you bestow upon them your blessings? Response: We will.
4.2.5. At this time, ___________ and
___________ wish to give special recognition to their families who have nurtured them and brought them to this time and place. _____________ and _____________ have come out of your family circles. They are living expressions of your love. They have been blessed
by your affection and guided by your counsel. It is their desire to link your
two family circles while honoring the heritage of each.
4.3.0. Recognition of Children from a Previous
Marriage
4.3.1. Very much involved in __________'s
and ___________'s love are these lovely children ____________ & _____________. They
are a special part of this ceremony in themselves and in the family, already formed, that they symbolize. We wish for these children lives filled with love and happiness.
4.3.2. [Child's/children's name (s)],
you have come with your mother/father for her/his marriage to ___________. Your
life will be changed in untold ways by this moment. Do you say yes to this marriage,
and do you welcome __________ as part of your family?
5.1.0. Scripture
5.1.1. Psalm 1, adapted by Stephen Mitchell
Blessed are
the man and the woman
who have
grown beyond themselves
and have
seen through their separations.
They delight
in the way things are
and keep
their hearts open, day and night.
They are
like trees planted near flowing rivers,
which bear
fruit when they are ready.
Their leaves
will not fall or whither.
Everything
they do will succeed.
5.1.2. Psalm 128, adapted
Happy is
everyone who loves the Lord,
who walks in his ways,
You shall
eat the fruit of the labor
of your hands;
you shall be happy, and it shall
go well with you.
Your wife
will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your children
will be like olive shoots
around your table.
Thus shall
the man be blessed
who loves the Lord.
5.1.3. Song of Solomon 8:6-7a
Set me as
a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm;
for love
is strong as death,
passion fierce as the grave.
Its flashes
are flashes of fire,
a raging flame.
Many waters
cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.
5.1.4. Song of Solomon 2:8-14, 16a
The voice
of my beloved!
Look, he comes,
leaping upon
the mountains, bounding over the hills.
My beloved
is like a gazelle or a young stag.
Look, there
he stands behind our wall,
gazing in
at the windows,
looking through the lattice.
My beloved
speaks and says to me:
"Arise, my
love, my fair one, and come away;
for now the
winter is past, the rain is over and gone.
The flowers
appear on the earth;
the time of singing has come,
and the voice
of the turtledove
is heard in our land.
The fig tree
puts forth its figs,
and the vines are in blossom;
they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my
love, my fair one, and come away.
O my dove,
in the clefts of the rock,
in the covert of the cliff,
let me see
your face,
let me hear your voice;
for you voice
is sweet, and your face is lovely.
My beloved is mine and I am his.
5.1.5 I Corinthians 13
If I speak
in the tongues of mortals and angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith
so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away
all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is
patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It
does not insist on its own way; its is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the
truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all
things.
Love never
ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will
cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke
like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.
For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now
I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And
now faith, hope and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
5.2.0. Poetry
5.2.1. Sonnet 116, William Shakespeare
Let me not
to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters
when it alteration finds,
Or bends
with the remover to remove:
O, no! it
is an ever-fix'd mark
That looks
on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the
star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's
unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not
Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his
bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters
not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears
it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, not no... {one} ever lov'd.
5.2.2. by e.e. cummings
love is the
voice under all silences;
the hope
which has no opposite in fear;
the strength
so strong mere force is feebleness;
the truth
more first than sun more last than star.
5.2.3. "The Master Speed" by Robert
Frost
No speed
of wind or water rushing by
But you can
have speed far greater. You can climb
Back up a
stream of radiance to the sky,
And back
through history up the stream of time.
And you were
given this swiftness, not for haste
Nor chiefly
that you may go where you will,
But in the
rush of everything to waste,
That you
may have the power of standing still--
Off any still
or moving thing you say.
Two such
as you with such a master speed
Cannot be
parted not be swept away
From one
another once you are agreed
That life
is only life forevermore
Together
wing to wing and oar to oar.
5.2.4. Untitled by Roy Croft
I love you/Not
for what you are
But for what
I am/When I am with you.
I love you/Not
only for what
You have
made of yourself
But for what
/You are making of me.
I love you/For
the part of me
That you
bring out.
I love you
For putting
your hand/Into my heaped-up heart
And passing
over/All the foolish, weak things
That you
can't help/Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing
out/Into the light
All the beautiful
belongings
That no one
else has /Looked quite far enough to find.
I love you
because you/Are helping me
To make of
the lumber of my life
Not a tavern/But
a temple;
Out of works
of my every day
Not a reproach/But
a song.
5.2.5 -from Sonnets from the Portuguese
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
How do I
love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee
to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can
reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends
of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee
to the level of every day's
Most quiet
need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee
freely, as {people}... strive for Right.
I love thee
purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee
with the passion put to use
In my old
griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee
with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost
saints--I love thee with the breadth,
Smiles, tears,
of all my life!...
5.2.6. -from "The Country of Marriage"
by Wendell Berry
...our life
reminds me
of a forest
in which there is a graceful clearing
and in that
opening a house,
an orchard
and garden,
comfortable
shades, and flowers...
The forest
is mostly dark, its ways
to be made
anew day after day, the dark
richer than
the light and more blessed,
provided
we stay brave
enough to
keep on going in...
5.2.7. -from "Rabbi Ben Ezra" by Robert
Browning
Grow old
along with me!
The best
is yet to be,
The last
of life, for which the first was made:
Our times
are in his hand
Who saith,
"A whole I planned,
Youth shows
but half; trust God: see all, not be afraid!"...
5.2.9. -from "Song for a Country Wedding"
by William Jay Smith
We have come
in the winter
To this warm
country room,
The family
and friends
Of the bride
and the groom,
To bring
them our blessing,
To share
their joy,
And to hope
that years passing the best measures employ
To protect
their small clearing,
And their love be enduring
5.2.11. -from "The Divine Comedy" by
Dante
translated by Stephen Mitchell
The Love
of God, unutterable and perfect,
flows into a pure soul they way that light
rushes into a transparent object.
The more
love that it finds, the more it gives
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